Creating Space for Wholeness
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
INTRODUCTION
INVITATION
In these 13 sessions we are invited to hold space to empower a vision that reflects our deepest yearnings for wholeness and well-being, a vision that calls us as the people of the Earth to make choices wisely, intentionally and courageously. This time of reflecting provides opportunity to energize this vision together. Our intention will weave through our everyday lives as we focus on discerning the pathways home to who we are meant to be and how we will show up in the world to consciously impact the world around us as it evolves.
BACKGROUND
On January 1st, 2020 I shared that my book The Mended Mirror is available online. In December 2019 I had an aha or epiphany moment that clarified for me that I don’t want to just use the taught marketing strategies to promote my book – I want to engage people with the concepts and learnings in the book in a way that is rooted in relationship. In the outline for the Book Circles at the end of the book I invite people to consider how the thoughts, experiences and insights in the book intersect with their lives in order to deepen the conversation. I long to engage in conversation where we share experiences, quotes, poetry and comments about how we are creating wholeness in this world.
While the book tells the fullness of the story of how Authentic Connection Culture developed in my life through my relationship with my Mom and the impact of discovering there is an extra biological father in our family, the stories and quotes from the book that are included in these reflections on creating space for wholeness, are summaries of my learnings about the theme as we seek to live in community in healthy life-giving ways where the well-being of all is a key commitment.
I speak about the impact of my mother on the development of my thinking and my passion early in the book:
Wholeness in brokenness; I have become aware through the writing of this book that my relationship with my Mom is a primary source of the learning that is at the core of my life’s work, which focuses on the power of connecting to wholeness and authenticity. Mom is also a significant contributor to my life being filled with profound hopefulness. As I look back over my life, I realize these may sound like surprising insights because, from my perspective, my relationship with my mother is impacted by the disruption of a series of disconnected personalities, a reality I do not recognize until a year before her death.
My understanding is that Mom’s many personalities form as coping mechanisms when crises and trauma are too much for her to bear. One of the blessings of the alter personalities is that they are the ones who cope with trauma while Mom’s core personality remains strong and dynamic. It is through her core personality that Mom impacts the community around her with a passionate vision of inclusivity and her adamant perspective that our world can and must shift toward ways of being that enhance all of life on Earth.
Page 8 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
PROCESS
We are invited to join together to intentionally hold sacred space as we listen deeply, acknowledge the vision of wholeness amongst us, and commit to walking pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred.
Each session for reflection will include a step from the Connection Strategy for Self and Community: From Disconnected to Connected, plus a quote and a story from The Mended Mirror where I share the epiphanies and insights from my life about creating space for wholeness.
We are all invited to offer quotes, insights, alternative perspectives, stories or comments on Facebook or on Course page on website www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space together knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and across time as we empower and strengthen the things to which we give our attention.
Please share this invitation with others.
I look forward to connecting with you on this ongoing journey of living into the fullness of our capacity for wholeness rooted in love.
INFORMATION
My website contains downloadable resources from my life work on creating authentic connection culture. AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or TheMendedMirror.com
Read the opening of the book www.TheMendedMirror.ca
RECOMMENDATIONS for The Mended Mirror:
After I read this book, I told myself never to forget it. Its powerful vision of the authentic life. It’s a testament to the transformation that awaits humanity on the other side of egoism. There’s hardly a person alive who doesn’t need this book.
Julie McGonegal, PhD, author of Imagining Justice:
The Politics of Postcolonial Forgiveness and Reconciliation
This is a stunning piece of work by Karen Celeste Hilfman. Karen’s voice shows us the journey of compassion as she comes to understand the multiple facets and personalities of her mother, and her own determination to use this experience of the fractured self to integrate her own being. Bravo – as in brave.
Christina Baldwin, author of Storycatcher:
Making Sense of our Lives through the Power and Practice of Story
The Mended Mirror is searing autobiography, keen analysis, and a very uncomfortable metaphor for the world today. It is a serious read, not for the faint-hearted—but with rich rewards for those who persevere.
Harrison Owen, Originator of Open Space Technology
Karen Celeste Hilfman is a master story-teller. We learn from her experience as well as feel with her to the heart of what really matters.
Dr. Nancy Roof, Founding Editor Kosmos Journal for Global Transformation
The Mended Mirror is a beautifully written and gripping family story and compelling account of what awaits us in the deeply human journey from brokenness to wholeness.
Michael Jones, author of
The Soul of Place: Reimagining Leadership Through Nature, Art and Community
The Mended Mirror is inspirational. Part searing memoir, part spiritual wisdom, and wholly entrancing, this book invites us to glean deep insight from the pains and challenges of our lives.
Tanis Day, PhD,
The Whole You: Healing and Transformation through Energy Awareness
The Mended Mirror goes beyond an interesting read to be inspiring to people dealing with challenges in their lives, to people who have learned to follow their intuitive nudges and to anyone wondering how to bring love and curiosity to those members of our families, or close circles that we might describe as difficult or challenging.
Kathy Jourdain,
A Worldview Intelligence Approach to Building Trust and Relationship at the Speed of Change
The Mended Mirror weaves together memoir, spirituality and the courage, love and frustration of a unique family life. It brings together Wise Woman teachings, lessons from a mother’s fragmented life, and a glimpse of other ways of being in the world. Karen Celeste Hilfman’s deft fingers create both tapestry and mosaic that will resonate with readers seeking ways to re-craft their own lives. I highly recommend this book for study groups, writers and seekers of wholeness.
Carolyn Pogue, Hilwie’s Bread
The Mended Mirror is AVAILABLE ONLINE. There are links on the website: www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #1 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP #1 Connect authentically with self and others. Disconnect from expectations that are external or in opposition to your true self; disconnect from building walls within that separate you from You and from the people around you; disconnect from wearing masks to hide behind.
QUOTE
I learn again and again that though life can be demanding and appear to be fractured or even crushed, somewhere in the midst of the rubble there is goodness and a longing to be whole that yearns to emerge amongst us. The story in this book explores how to connect to that power of wholeness, the power of love, in the midst of the brokenness in our world today.
While this is the story of my ongoing journey home to who I am, rerouted by unexpected detours, it is also a glimpse into our shared story as humans as we seek to be in healthy relationship with ourselves, each other and the Earth; as we seek to create space for love to emerge, acceptance to expand, possibilities of an alternative vision to be considered, and creativity to be our response when pathways to wholeness and the common good become obscured.
Page 13 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
This story reflects a central theme and perspective which dances and weaves through my life. It arises from a mystical moment that happens the summer I am three.
I am in a glorious meadow where warm sunshine fills the air. Butterflies are flitting everywhere. I hear the song of a multitude of birds and the splashing dance of the creek. I hear the voices of others in the meadow. I can see them out of the corner of my eye as I run and twirl with delight amongst the flowers that blow in the gentle breeze. The breeze carries the warmth of the sun and kisses my face. When I come to the centre of the meadow, I stop. Everywhere I look I see light: light pouring out of the people; light flowing like a wave around the butterflies and blossoms; light emanating from me. I see light all around me, coming from within me and from within every living thing.
I don’t exactly see the light with my eyes, but I see the light with an inner vision that feels more real than what my eyes see. This guiding vision makes the world a magical, mystical place filled with possibilities, potential beyond our imaginings, and peace that is deep and profound. For me, the light is the energy of the Divine. I know deep within me that the light all around us and within us is the power of Love.
In the early years of my life this is how I think everyone sees the world.
Throughout my life, this memory informs how I see people and how I engage life. It is a reflection of my profound sense of knowing that the Divine is intimately present and can be found deep within all of us. It is an energy that connects us to life rooted in love. I return to the feeling of this experience in moments when I am challenged to see the light and goodness that are within all of us. This memory roots me in an awareness that even in the midst of the struggles of life we have the amazing capacity to let love shine and creativity flow through our lives. The result is that I am often puzzled by behaviours, masks and walls that cover over the depth of goodness that is everywhere. I am often outraged by injustice, and filled with a longing for what is possible. In the midst of my frustrations, I am sustained by the awareness that the energy of love is all around us, and that no matter how broken life can seem there is still wholeness present.
Page 13 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #2 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP #2 Develop intrinsic motivation. Disconnect from insecurity, judgment and the need for external affirmation, which can destabilize our connection to our core.
QUOTE
When we risk being open, vulnerable and honest about our struggles and our joys, the fullness of who we are emerges and connects us to one another at a profound, authentic level.
Sharing our stories allows us to take the risk of coming out from behind masks that separate us from one another and from ourselves. Experience has taught me that the pattern of hiding behind masks and disconnecting from authentically engaging in life is at the root of some of our greatest struggles in the times in which we live. We are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness rooted in the destructive powers of judgment, shame, blame and guilt. We are experiencing a culture that is numb to some of the deepest travesties of human history as we soothe ourselves with over-consumption of things, addictive substances and repeated mindless patterns. Too often, we are cut off from the roots of meaning at the core of our being as we strive to survive by fulfilling shallow expectations, rather than allowing ourselves to be nourished by the richness of wisdom and the vision of collaboration that is deep within us. Sharing our stories connects us at the deep level of our profound longing for community, creativity, compassion and acceptance.
Page 10 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
I call Alan at work to ask him if he is willing to take our trailer out to the provincial park for me that night. I desperately need to get away.
For the next nine days I am completely alone. I do not listen to music. I do not read books. I barely think. I talk to no one. I allow myself to merge with the forest beside my campsite. It isn’t until the fifth day that I even walk down the trail to be nourished by the lake. I simply sit in the campsite, barely moving, staring into the trees, allowing time for my depleted stores of energy to connect to the source of love’s power in order to be refilled.
As the days unfold, the power at my core has the opportunity to be charged. In this time of healing solitude I become aware that during the past many months, in the midst of the crashing and rumbling that felt as disruptive as an earthquake, there has been a sense of wholeness that never completely left me. Now with my power reserves topped up, the wholeness within me is again filling the landscape of my soul rather than being diminished to a tiny still point in the middle of chaos.
Page 280 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #3 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP #3 Release, lament and claim the insights. Disconnect from being a victim to old wounds.
QUOTE
One of my hopes for our world is that we awaken more fully to the transformational power of love, a power that longs to engage our passions, teaches us to celebrate diversity, and compels us to risk imagining a way of being together that leads to wholeness. Awakening to this power within equips us to co-create a world committed to the well-being of all. For me this story of connecting to wholeness even in the midst of brokenness, of experiencing resilience even when life shows up with difficulties, deepens our hope as we work together to mend the world.
Page 16 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
As I prepare to go to be with Mom, my friend, who is also the church administrator, asks me if I will take this time to write my book.
I am surprised. “My book? I didn’t know I have a book to write.”
Three others hear the suggestion and agree it is time.
When I arrive in Florida Janis drives me the three hours from the airport to where Mom is staying. On the way I tell her about this encouragement to write my book. She agrees.
I’m puzzled about the focus of this book which people are clear I am to write. Janis encourages me to write about what I have learned through my life and my work that holds the potential of being of interest to other ministers. I decide I will buy a notebook, put pen to paper and see what emerges….
Each day I go and sit by the ocean. I have two chairs, one to sit on and one for my feet, plus an umbrella, a small cooler that acts as a table, a large selection of food and two empty notebooks with pens.
The first story I write is about the experience in the meadow when I am three years old when I see light coming from within everything and everyone.
The stories and poetry I write on the beach and for months after, reflect a peak time when my insights about creating healthy community, encouraging people’s gifts, and guiding people to see the seeds of wisdom they carry within them, burst open like blossoms, filling the garden of my life with beauty, colour and diversity.
I realize that what I am writing is a handbook of stories and poetry that provides practical insights, attitudes and approaches to creating life-giving community and how to be open to the transformative energies that are so desperately needed in our world. This is my favourite poem:
The Poetry of the Cosmos
sings deep in our soul
listen … listen …
it is waiting to be heard …
awakened in stillness
carried on the breeze in the trees
heard in the songs of the birds
and in the sound of laughter shared
The Poetry of the Cosmos
twirls in our midst
calling us to life and laughter and play
inviting us into a dance of joy
beyond the ego borders
that limit and sever connection
by the power of fear
The Poetry of the Cosmos
beckons us to trust and delight
in this world of awe-filling experiences
that continuously present themselves
if we are open to see
The Poetry of the Cosmos
connects to the song of our hearts
and weaves together the passions of our souls
to create a tapestry filled with boldness
of colours and textures, shapes and intricacies
that are beyond the limitations
we place on our imaginings
The Poetry of the Cosmos
is all around us and deep within us
listen … listen …
and let it lead us in a joyful dance
into life filled with the abundance of
resources shared
creation honoured
each one known to be loved
and wholeness lived
The Poetry of the Cosmos
is amongst us
standing on the tiptoe of anticipation
for the moment of our awakening.
Page 268 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #4 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 4 See differently. Disconnect from dumping energetic garbage on others or ourselves.
QUOTE
My central learning that impacts my life is that: when we connect to our true essence, to our authentic self, we connect to a reservoir of power deep within us that is filled with love and creativity; when we risk connecting to one another in a deeply authentic way, we see life differently—no longer are we bound by small-ego thinking that is rooted in limitations, entitlement, blame, judgment and the compulsion to protect our territory, rather we see creative possibilities, abundance and incredible goodness; and when we connect at an authentic level as a community by creating a commons where everyone is respected and belongs, the wisdom within us and amongst us has the opportunity to emerge to enable us to recognize future possibilities that enhance life when we work together.
The brokenness and the richness in my relationship with my Mom has helped me to identify principles and practices about how to create healthy, life-giving authentic community so that we can address the brokenness in our world by choosing to live together in ways that reflect our deep longing for the well-being of all.
Page 11 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
I learn to be aware of the kind of energy I am sending at people. It impacts us. I tell a story in a sermon of a time I am stuck behind someone who is turning left at a set of lights at a busy corner in our town. Though I see many opportunities for the car in front of me to make a left turn, the driver waits until the light is yellow. There is no way that I will make it through this light. I witness myself lobbing cannonball-like aggressive energy at the driver. When I notice, I stop sending the cannonballs. I connect at a heart level with the other driver and ask for forgiveness. I then intentionally choose positive energy to send toward the driver. I realize that my negative judgment does not enhance their life or mine in any way.
Page 252 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #5 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP #5 Expand compassion, curiosity and laughter. Disconnect from our small-ego self, which focuses on defending territory, a sense of entitlement and personal desires as the highest goal.
QUOTE
Authentic Connection Culture
emerges from an intentional way of being
which includes the following practices:
✓ listen deeply;
✓ connect to Wisdom within us and amongst us;
✓ honour our own and each other’s gifts;
✓ share laughter and tears, joys and struggles comfortably;
✓ create a safe space where we can be brave and speak
from our heart, mind, experience and soul;
✓ commit to action for ongoing transformation
as we respond to our life purpose and call;
✓ encourage, support and be accountable to one another
as we seek to live a vision of wholeness;
✓ honour creativity and discover clarity emerging in our midst;
✓ deal honestly and kindly with issues before they fester;
✓ follow the flow of energy to align ourselves with pathways
that honour who we are and how the Spirit calls us to be.
This shift in culture away from
being consumers and individualistic emerges
as we connect to our core wisdom and creativity
at the centre of our authentic self
which compels us to develop healthy life-giving community.
Page 262 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
The mystical story about Lemuria connects to my childhood ponderings about living in peace. I know deep within me it is possible. Being here with these healers and visionaries from all over the world deepens my connection to the reawakening of the ancient dream of wholeness, which activates the song of my soul.
Something happens in me on this mountainous island in the sea. I awaken to something I do not fully understand. As we journey to places of ancient healing and insight, I experience myself being cracked open. It is a cracking open that I have prepared for in moments of my life: on the gnarled branch of the old apple tree at the farm, on the rock out in Georgian Bay where I sit and listen for hours as a child, in the image from the meadow of golden light that wraps around my life.
Here on this island I connect to a profound silence within me. The silence carries energy like the ancient and alternative wisdom that Spirit invited me to explore when I considered completing a Doctorate of Ministry. Instead I was called to the community on two lakes.
Now, on this island of ancient people, when I speak in this community of spiritual companions, I hear myself speaking from a place of profound silence within me that is filled with insights that words struggle to express. It is a voice filled with a resonance that is different from my everyday voice. And yet it is my voice, a voice that has waited and prepared for the time when it will be heard in the midst of everyday life. It is a voice that emerges as I tap into levels of myself that I have not known. It echoes with the invitation to be aware that there is a higher consciousness that connects us and calls us to a time of transformation and awakening on a personal and communal level.
Page 345 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #6 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 6 Speak truth simply. Disconnect from blame and judgment.
STORY & QUOTE
In the fall of 2014, I have a profound experience when I clearly articulate the passion that motivates me. I am invited by the new mayor of our community to provide the invocation for the inauguration of the city council. The writing of this invocation is a turning point for me. I hear myself articulating how my passion can impact the world.
The words for the invocation pour out of me with a power that captures with clarity the understanding that stirs deep within me. It is deeply connected to all the learning that I have experienced through Mom as well as the alternative perspectives and wisdom I have connected to since the late 1990s. I do little editing to my first version because it feels like it resonates with what I am called to say. It reflects the need for us to awaken to the ancient and alternative wisdom that longs to emerge in each of our personal lives, in our relationships throughout the city and beyond to the world.
It is December 1, 2014 when I share this invocation in the council chambers. I feel centred and grounded when I rise to offer these words:
In this time of invocation we begin with gratitude,
by thanking each of you
for responding to the call
to offer yourself in service to this community;
to offer yourself as ones who seek to be open to the future possibilities
of the new story that is longing to emerge.
We pause on this night to take note of this incredible moment …
I invite us to notice our breath as we breathe deeply …
breathing the gift of breath, the gift of Spirit …
feeling our being expand …
feeling our hearts gentle …
feeling our minds open …
being very aware of where we are …
the sacredness of the place where we are and the time that is now.
This place where we gather, on the shores of two lakes
gives birth to new life
through the narrow place where the two lakes meet.
It is a sacred place filled with creativity.
It is a place known from ancient times
as a powerful place of gathering in peace.
There is an energy here that nourishes and revitalizes
and will guide us, if we listen.
And so I encourage you as the council
to create space for the gift of the energy of this place,
pausing often in your work to listen to the wisdom
that is longing to emerge
from the land, the wind, the waters and the people.
You stand in a powerful place but also in a powerful time
for this is a time of new beginnings, not just as a council,
but a time when we, in our global community,
are letting go of the old story of domination and control
and moving into a new story rooted in collaboration;
rooted in images of wholeness
of life being like a community garden
rather than like a machine that is driven.
One of our many creative people in our community
pianist and author Michael Jones notes
that we are in a new time of
“crafting a world where life can thrive.”
We are in the midst of a time of transition and transformation:
it is a time of letting go of belief in our limitations
to shift toward belief in possibilities;
a time of shifting from resource extraction to eco-sustainability;
a time of moving from fear to rejoicing in our diversity;
a time of identifying well-being not by accumulation of wealth
but by the health of our community and natural environment.
It is a time of moving from hoarding to sharing;
from passive to active citizenship;
a time of cooperation and partnership.
This is a time for us to listen deeply to the story of this place,
to listen to the deep longing of humanity
so that together we journey toward
creating life-giving community.
Creative Energy,
Wisdom of Ancestors and Spirit,
Holy Presence that calls us to journey together toward wholeness:
Come and be known whenever this council gathers;
Come and fill the space
with gentleness that inspires
and a spirit of life-giving collaborative community.
May blessings be poured upon and awakened within
these ones who have been chosen to serve;
blessings of creativity, of wisdom,
of being people who listen deeply and share honestly.
As you work together as members of this council,
may you see and celebrate the gifts and the light in each other;
may you listen for the deep wisdom that longs to emerge amongst you;
may you trust and anticipate that together
you will find a way forward that is filled with possibilities
that will honour the energy of the land and the lakes,
the wind and the sun.
May you be guided to honour this place of gathering
by deepening a sense of celebration of life.
And we, as the people of this city,
will hold you in our prayers,
surround you with grace,
and encourage you with our thoughts.
And now mayor and council members,
may you go forth into this calling with a daring and bold vision.
Go in peace.
And all that you do,
may you do it by the power of light and love
that is deep in the core of your being,
may you do it by the power of the Spirit and the energy of this land
that awaken wisdom and creativity
and call us to wholeness.
May it be so. Amen!
Page 366 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #7 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 7 Listen for inner guidance. Disconnect from dishonouring and ignoring inner wisdom.
QUOTE
Through these early years in the community on two lakes where creative energy nudges me to see deeply into life, I continue to meet people who offer an alternative and often ancient way of listening for guidance and wisdom.
A major new understanding and insight comes from the teaching of an Elder from the First Nations community close by. He shares his wisdom about the perspective and practices of the medicine wheel to enhance decision-making and discernment within community. The teaching confirms what I have been discovering. The wisdom that he shares impacts my work and my relationship with Mom. It is a teaching rooted in the understanding of the importance of hearing the different perspectives that are carried within the circle of community. I write about this teaching in an article:
It is an Elder of the First Nations community near my home who teaches many of us about the wisdom he’s been given about the Medicine Wheel. A key concept in the teaching is the importance of hearing the wisdom of all perspectives within a community when we need to resolve an issue or find a way forward that will be life-giving to the community. When a decision is required, the process is to listen to the insights of each of the seven clans. There is recognition that each clan has one-seventh of the perspective required to make wise choices. When the wisdom of all seven clans has been shared, time is given for all the clans to digest the different perspectives. Then the community gathers again to hear more input, and then maybe again. Only when it feels like all the perspectives have been heard does the way forward become clear, a way some call the eighth way, which is the way of the Creator. To arrive at this place of awareness, conversation is filled with pauses in order to allow wisdom to emerge. The use of a talking piece, such as a stone or feather, invites people to listen deeply as others share their thoughts. People are encouraged to only consider what they are called to share when the talking piece is handed to them rather than developing their answer while others are speaking. This practice contrasts with the tendency in our culture where ideas and responses are mulled over while others share their perspective. We think about what we are going to say rather than listening to what others are saying. In many ways for me, the use of the talking piece or “peace” models the experience it promotes, of talking for the purpose of finding a peaceful and wise way forward.
Page 251 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
I had a conversation with my Dad about “nudges” during my late teens, which continues to impact my life on a regular basis. He told me that it is important to always listen to the nudges that I get in life. He said that if you stop listening, the nudges will stop coming. He shared stories of business deals that would have fallen through if he had not followed a nudge to make a phone call. I learn the power of that lesson again and again in my life.
Extending my trip to England by ten days after the Greenbelt Festival is one of the times when I follow a nudge even though it feels odd. It is a nudge that sends me barrelling down a pathway that confirms for me, within the context of community, that I am not alone in the profound spiritual experiences that are continuously part of my life.
All my life I have sensed a mystical, loving energy that playfully calls us to see through eyes of love, inviting us to see life differently from the limitations of the teachings of our society. While I have journeyed far into this awareness in conversations with others, these final ten days in England create the opportunity to have experiences that confirm even more deeply my sense of the world.
It is this awareness of a power greater than we see with our eyes that sustains me through the years when Mom is going through difficult times. And now, because of Mom’s encouragement to travel, I have a multitude of mountaintop spiritual experiences filled with the transformative power to change people everywhere as we awaken to what is possible.
Page 349 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #8 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 8 Reclaim power and purpose. Disconnect from wandering through life feeling powerless.
QUOTE
THREE KEYS TO AUTHENTIC CONNECTION WITH SELF
CONNECT to the energy of love and authenticity at your core.
DISCONNECT from the drama, small-ego self
and expectations that drain you.
RECONNECT to the wisdom, light and gifts
in you and in those you encounter.
Unlock greater capacity for peace and possibilities
in you and in the world!
THREE KEYS TO AUTHENTIC CONNECTION WITHIN COMMUNITY
CONNECT to authentic power and intrinsic motivation.
DISCONNECT from the distractions of drama, small-ego self
and the voices of judgment, fear and cynicism.
RECONNECT to the gifts and inner wisdom
in you and in those you encounter.
Unlock a renewed culture of fulfilled people
and a healthier, creative environment!
Page 268 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
I begin to recognize that some of my greatest assets reside in that part of me that I was hiding behind the ‘golden girl façade.’ It would have been a loss if I had left those gifts stranded in the depths of who I am to wither away through lack of use. I shift from thinking of that part of me as my ‘dirty, grungy self’ to describing it as the ‘creative, critical’ part of who I am. The ‘creative, critical’ part of me, combined with the ‘golden girl’ part of me, is a much better reflection of who I am. Integrating both parts is an important step on my journey to living from a place of wholeness.
Page 142 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #9 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 9 Energize the vision and longings that emerge from deep within. Disconnect from focusing on and energizing what we don’t want to grow.
QUOTE
Book Dedication:
To All of Us
On the Journey to Wholeness
WHOLENESS:
Coming home to ourselves;
connecting to the Wisdom within us and amongst us
to create Community that reflects our True Essence,
imbuing the world with hope through the power
of the Universal Consciousness of Love
found deep within the centre of who we are.
Through Authentic Connection to Self, Community and the Earth,
through recognizing the Earth, one another and ourselves as Beloved,
through acknowledging and honouring our oneness with all of life,
through deep listening and deepening conversation,
through alignment with the flow of life-giving energy,
—we expand our capacity to create Community and the Commons
where together we imagine and engage possibilities
to journey toward a transformed way of being
rooted in and empowered by love
creating space for the emergence of
a lived vision of the well-being of all.
As a result of connecting in a deeply authentic way
we see life differently;
no longer are we bound by small-ego thinking that is rooted in
limitations, entitlement, blame and the compulsion to protect our territory;
rather we see creative possibilities, interconnection,
abundance and incredible goodness.
We shift from an ego to an ecological perspective
in order to become resilient and sustainable
in all aspects of life;
economics, ethics, academics, decision-making and politics
which all reflect the way we
engage in relationships
at personal, local and global levels.
The journey to wholeness awakens us
to the light that emanates from the centre of all of life,
which longs to illuminate a pathway forward that is empowered by love.
While this light is often covered over by
the demands, destruction, brokenness and noise of life,
it is not extinguished;
it remains constant in its essence and presence.
The experience of wholeness,
arising from developing
an intentional Culture of Authentic Connection,
is a way of being
when we choose to see
our self, one another, the Earth, and all of life
with eyes of love and with hearts open to possibilities.
Dedication Page The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
… The vision of my whole family expressing forgiveness and love through the words of the ancient Hawaiian prayer Ho’oponopono feels like a reflection of the spiritual journey of life. We keep being cracked open to deepening awareness and circling deeper into love. We are awakened to our brokenness, and in our awakening we are cracked open to greater capacity for compassion to expand, for creativity to emerge, for relationships to deepen, and for respectful sharing to be our way of living. As we spiral into the transforming power of love, we discover the wholeness that is amongst us, too often covered over by the rubble of our lives.
As we reconnect to the power of love, we are compelled to be part of mending the world—to become a place where no one is considered to be of greater value than another, where we work together to develop solutions that honour the Earth and each other, where we seek to listen to the intelligence of many voices, and where love both empowers us and challenges us to walk a pathway together that leads to loving wholeness, with wisdom and profound hope as our guides.
Choosing to ensure that in our lives and in our world there is space for the resilience of beauty, curiosity, healing and wonder to emerge energizes us to evolve our capacity for joy, creativity, collaboration and authentic connection. These capacities enable us to move toward our purpose of mending our Earth community.
A key step on this journey will be reconciliation, of listening deeply to honour the stories of brokenness so that we can intentionally learn and move forward together to build right relations.
Page 419 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #10 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 10 Create authentic relationships of connection. Disconnect from being fearful and phony.
STORY & QUOTE
I finally tap into the well of unshed tears. It happens during the church event called the Week of Guided Prayer. I delve beyond the vacuum inside me that protects me from the pain I carry. Once I tap into those tears I am able to again connect to the source of light and love that is within all of us.
At the opening session of the Week of Guided Prayer, I follow the instructions of the leader to go deep within myself to connect to who I am. He suggests that we go down an elevator to the centre of our being.
When the doors of the elevator open to the centre deep within me, I am shocked to enter into a place that looks and feels like a war-torn landscape. The air is filled with dust. There is no clear pathway. Boulders ten times my size obliterate my capacity to see. I wander through the landscape seeking clarity of where I am to go. I stumble and my hand reaches out. I discover a smooth metal wall. I follow its contours until I begin to see sunlight peeking through the dust by a pile of rubble ahead of me. When I clamber up the rubble, I can see an end to the steel wall. Just beyond it, amidst the dust-filled air, I see a stronger light coming from the far side of the wall.
I begin to scramble up the pile of rubble. When I am part way there I hear the leader telling us to return our attention to the room.
During the week of prayer, with the guidance of my spiritual director, I return to the place of the war-torn landscape within me where I’m not thrilled to go. My director encourages me to go back to the edge of the steel wall. I climb further up the rock pile to the end of the steel wall. I discover that on the other side of the wall there is a meadow that is filled with glorious flowers. There is a river that sparkles in the sunlight and a rich lush forest that stands at the edge of the meadow. It is beautiful. The beauty that has always been here welcomes me.
When I enter the meadow it feels like a safe place. I move to the centre of the meadow. I remember this place that is filled with light. It is like the primordial garden filled with lush possibilities.
Here, I can face the realities of my life that have created the war-torn landscape deep within me. I sit down and lean against the trunk of an old, sturdy tree. I centre into the stillness and the energy of this place. I tap into the well of tears and allow them to rise.
The sound of a wail that echoes with lament emerges from deep within me. As it erupts it is carried away on the gentle breeze. It feels like it is releasing me from a cauldron of turmoil and angst that I have silently and unknowingly carried within me.
I release these feelings of struggle and torment that have created my inner war-torn landscape. I reaffirm a power within me that is clear and strong and filled with love.
My spiritual director helps me understand what I am experiencing. She shares an image, an idea that gives me a symbol to express my experience. It reflects the wisdom of the ages about the spiritual aspects of who we are.
On a scrap piece of paper she draws a diagram of three concentric circles, a small one in the centre surrounded by a medium-size circle, which is in turn surrounded by a larger circle. She labels each circle.
The smallest circle, or the inner circle, represents who we are as a beloved child of God. The medium-size circle represents our life experiences including the external expectations that we accumulate through our lifetime. The largest circle represents the stuff of life that swirls around us.
My spiritual director observes that most people live their lives in the circle of external expectations. She observes that this circle often covers over the inner circle where we connect to God and to who we truly are. As a result of living our lives in the circle of external expectations, we live our lives disconnected from the power of God’s love and disconnected from our true essence, from our authentic self, from, in her words, who we are as a beloved child of God.
She goes on to explain that the goal of the spiritual journey is to move from the circle of external expectations into the inner circle where we remember who we are, where we remember our authentic self and our call in life, and are empowered to increase the creativity and love on this planet through our presence.
Page 142 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #11 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 11 Engage in significant conversations that include laughter, tears and lots of wonderings. Disconnect from shallow, veneer-thin dialogue filled with catty comments and opinions that are declared as “the” answer.
QUOTE
HOW TO BE SPIRITUALLY HEALTHY
IN ORDER TO REFLECT LOVE AND WHOLENESS
1) Celebrate the awareness that we are born in blessing, and ensure that the foundational stories we lift up carry the message of love.
2) Recognize the gift of the blessed unrest that is happening in the world through grassroots movements as a sign of the new way that is emerging.
3) Be aware that we are capable of conscious evolution, and so we are key players in deciding the direction in this time of great turning and change.
4) Incorporate the gift of integral spirituality that gathers together the wisdom of the ages by combining the insights of the sciences with best practices for the spiritual journey.
5) Connect to the perspective that God or the Divine is both within and beyond all of life, which encourages us to see goodness and choose the way of love.
6) Know that compassion is at the root of all world religions, confirming that it is an innate human capacity.
7) Be open to the emergence of creativity, wisdom and new ways of seeing life that are part of the significant evolution we are currently experiencing.
8) Accept that we are deeply and profoundly connected.
9) Integrate the awareness that it is our task to move more fully toward living from the Divine love within us.
10) Awaken to the Christ Consciousness within, to the universal consciousness of love.
11) Recognize that love is a choice and that when we are in fear we are disconnected from love.
12) Connect to opportunities for collaboration to create a world focused on everyone’s well-being.
13) Create safe space to practice healthy community where we can risk being vulnerable, brave and creative so that we allow the world to be filled with possibilities and wisdom.
The shifts in my thinking, combined with the impact of deepening spiritual practices, help me to articulate my perspective about finding and living wholeness even in brokenness. It also helps me be clearer about how to be in relationship with Mom in a way that is caring of her, my family and my own state of being.
Page 258 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
In 1999 when Mom and I are on the final leg of our journey through Israel and Palestine, I ask her if she remembers something happening in my life when I was six months old that would cause me distress. We are in Tel Aviv standing on the balcony of our hotel room. It is the night of April 27, the sixteenth anniversary of Dad’s death.
Mom tells me that it is when I am six months old that she almost died because of complications from the pregnancy that followed my birth. I know the story; I just didn’t know it happened when I was six months old.
Mom tells me the full story as we stand on the balcony.
She is rushed to the hospital. Anytime she shares this story she tells us is that the baby was moving up into her organs, a description that seems odd but that’s how she describes it. During the night she remembers an out-of-body experience of looking down at herself from the corner of the hospital room. Then she turns because she feels drawn beyond the room. Part way to someplace else, my face flashes before her. She remembers the ache of her milk-swollen breasts and turns back.
She looks at me that night out on the balcony and says, “You brought me back that night. I was in the hospital for seven days. I don’t even know who took care of you and your sister and brother while I was gone.”
I ask her if she was able to breastfeed me when she got home. She responds quietly, “No.”
So my inner child carries the wound of this experience.
When Mom comes home from the hospital, she has two lively kids, a two-year-old and a four-year-old along with me at six months old. She is also healing from the impact of a pregnancy gone wrong, as well as any medicine they had her on during the seven days in the hospital.
If I imagine myself in that situation, with no grandparents to help, I am sure I would be in survival mode, making sure the kids are fed and safe, then withdrawing into myself to contain some energy for my own healing.
I speculate out loud to Mom that my guess is that she uses much of her energy to engage the two- and four-year-olds when she comes home, hoping that the six-month-old will stay put. When I describe the scene in my imagination to Mom, she agrees it is pretty accurate.
Mom and I stand on the balcony side by side pondering our shared experience. We are gazing out at the Mediterranean Sea. Something catches my eye. A white dove is flying down toward us. It hovers over us for a moment, and then flies away.
The imagery in the story of Jesus’s baptism—the description of a dove like the Spirit descending upon him—is not lost on me. It is in that moment of the appearance of the dove that the scripture story says Jesus hears God claiming him as a beloved child of God.
The assurance that we are all beloved is a key understanding that sustains me in the tough moments of life.
A deep peace comes over me. The moment feels like a gift after all the angst of struggles Mom and I have shared together. I wonder if perhaps the depth of our connection begins on that night long ago when Mom almost dies. It seems to make some sense as to why our lives continuously intertwine.
Page 68 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #12 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 12 Tap into the wisdom and creativity of future possibilities. Disconnect from dependence on logic and past experience as the only valued guides.
QUOTE
These days I wonder if my perception of life is different enough from how others see the world that people cannot hear me or take in what I am saying; what I say makes no sense in their worldview and so the concepts don’t register. There are times when it feels like I am speaking a foreign language that is not understood. I work hard at trying to share my insights using language that will connect. At this stage in my life I trust that my contribution is worthwhile and that at some point in the conversations of life I may be more fully understood so long as I keep sharing my insights from a variety of perspectives in a variety of moments.
Experiences of not feeling heard or silencing my perspective because it seems so different from others inform the development of my life’s work to ensure that we listen to all voices so that we are able to tap into the wisdom that is amongst us. Too often that wisdom is kept silent due to uncertainty and anticipation of being rejected. This reality is based in attitudes that infuse existing systems with lack of respect for alternative ways to see life. I know from experience that ideas like mine, which come from a perspective different than the predominant way of thinking in our culture, can be left on the sidelines of discussions when we strive to discern future possibilities.
Page 193 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
I am amazed at how strong my commitment is to not allow issues to fester. I am still quite young the first time I really see this commitment within myself. I am in grade six. I am twelve years old.
My class has decided to prepare the play Cinderella for the younger grades. No one wants to be the director, so I offer. I share my ideas of a way we might do the play. Everyone agrees and is enthusiastic. I think the rehearsals are going well. People have volunteered to be actors and to take care of technical aspects. The play is coming together.
Then one morning when I get off the school bus, a friend meets me to tell me, “None of the kids in the class will talk to you.”
I ask her, “Why?”
She says, “I’m not allowed to tell you.”
A strong feeling surges through me. I tell her, “You have to tell me. How else can we solve the issue?”
This is my worst nightmare. I am being totally rejected.
She reluctantly says, “Everyone is mad because you get to do everything.”
I’m shocked, but at least I know what I am dealing with.
I go to where everyone has gathered for the early morning rehearsal. I stand at the side of the group and look at them. They stare back at me and then turn away and chat amongst themselves.
I speak over the hubbub and tell them I understand they aren’t speaking to me because I get to do stuff they don’t get to do. I ask them to give me some examples. They are silent for the longest time. I stare at them, waiting.
Then one girl emerges from the group spitting mad and rhymes off a list.
As I listen to the list I acknowledge it is true; I do get to do some things they don’t. I admit some of what they are saying is true.
But I also tell them that some of the tasks I do are things I have no control over. I am aware that I get to do certain things because our teacher, who is also our principal, thinks that my dream of becoming a teacher and principal suits who I am, so he keeps giving me a chance to discover what that role entails. It includes being one of three people who fill in for teachers when they have an appointment and helping to lock up the exterior doors at the end of the day. I am chosen for those jobs.
However, I point out that the rest of the list are jobs that they all did at the beginning of the year but then decided they didn’t want to do anymore. Anytime the teacher asked if someone else was willing to take a task on, I waited to see if anyone else was willing. When no one offered, I put up my hand. I ask if anyone wants to do any of the tasks. They are welcome to any of them. No one wants to.
The final item on the list is that I get to direct the play. I ask if they remember how that happened. They acknowledge that it happened basically the same way all the other jobs ended up being mine. No one else wanted to direct.
Though my next words feel like they are breaking my twelve-year-old heart, I tell them that I am willing to step aside for someone else to direct. They look amongst themselves. No one steps forward. They slouch in acceptance.
I ask them what I can do to make the experience better. They tell me to listen to them more; give them a chance to share their ideas.
I nod, and then ask, “Should I stop sharing my ideas?”
I am told forcefully, “No, your ideas are good; we just want to add in ours.”
On that day, I make two critical discoveries about how to work with groups and create a sense of community.
One of the discoveries is that a leader is actually more effective if they gather the thoughts and insights of the whole group, rather than feeling like everyone expects them to know all the answers and lead the way.
This is a huge learning that has impacted my work through the years. It’s the basis of my commitment to being a Facilitator of Significant Conversations: to intentionally ensure that the wisdom and creativity amongst the group has the opportunity to emerge. When we create safe space for all voices to be heard, the result is that we tap into the wisdom and creativity that are within us and amongst us, which moves us toward future possibilities that are more than any one person can develop alone.
To this day when I direct a play I intentionally invite the insights of the cast. We are usually very close to the opening night before I request that input stop.
The second discovery from this tumultuous day in my twelve-year-old world is the difference it makes when we connect to the power of honesty and kindness that is at our very core and allow those powers to flow through us to reach out to the world. I experience one of my greatest fears that day in grade six; I am being completely rejected by everyone around me. However, something happens that day that surprises me; I do not let the fear consume me but rather, based on what I learned from my Mom through the incident in kindergarten, I choose to deal with the issue rather than let it fester.
Somehow a power deep within me breaks through the fear and speaks through me in a way that is authentic and real. The importance of speaking from my authentic self has been an awareness that I have intentionally tried to use since that day.
So I learn the importance of speaking opening and honestly from an experience when Mom skewed good communication practices and I ended up wrongly being called a liar. I also learn that issues not dealt with can spiral out in unexpected and destructive directions. Life teaches me at a young age that not dealing with an important issue for fear of upsetting someone can cause far greater problems than risking hurting someone’s feelings by being honest.
Page 80 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.
CREATING SPACE FOR WHOLENESS
13 SESSIONS TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY HOME
TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE
FACILITATED BY KAREN HILFMAN AUTHOR OF THE MENDED MIRROR
SESSION #13 of 13
A TIME OF REFLECTION
1) As you read the quote and story below and consider a step in The Connection Strategy, notice what you notice as you read. Does a word, phrase or concept tug at your attention?
2) Does a quote or insight emerge for you in this time of reflecting as together we listen for and commit to choosing pathways that lead to life and love and light rather than death and hatred, that lead us home to who we are meant to be?
3) What insights rise up from your experience as we hold space to focus on and empower a vision of wholeness and well-being? What are the lessons we need to be learning? What are the shifts we are embracing or need to embrace?
4) What wisdom and creativity is emerging for you? What stories and situations fill you with hope? Are there quotes or stories or experiences that you would add to deepen these reflections?
Connection Strategy For Self And Community: From Disconnected To Connected
13 Steps to Connect to the Power of Transformation, Meaning, Purpose and the Authenticity Within Each of Us to Enhance Our Life Together in Community
STEP # 13 Live your call: trust your intuition and gut response. Disconnect from living the life you think you “should” live and start living the life your passion calls you to live.
QUOTE
13 LIFE LESSONS THAT HAVE EMERGED
IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM
o Deal with issues when they arise.
o Follow the flow of energy. If you meet resistance, be like a river and keep searching for a place that allows you to move with ease so that you are flowing with the energy of life rather than fighting the underlying currents.
o Choose to see differently by shifting your focus.
o Listen for, and to, inner wisdom and intuition.
o Pause so that as many people as possible know where we are trying to go.
o Trust that there is goodness trying to emerge.
o Reconnect to your core essence and the Divine.
o See the light within yourself and others even if you have to look beneath the rubble.
o Allow curiosity to lead you rather than judgment or expectations.
o Listen for the wisdom and voices of all perspectives.
o Stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself or on others.
o Let gratitude and beauty fill you.
o Focus on what you want to grow.
These life lessons weave in and out of the stories of the fractured reality of life with Mom; they are insights for which I am deeply grateful. They are strands of a story that weave together a tapestry of wholeness even in the midst of brokenness.
Page 193 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
STORY
After months of being a midwife to the development and emergence of this story, I end with words Mom loved. It is a commissioning I use all the time to send us out into a broken world to be ones who are reflections of the way of love, because that, my Beloved Ones, is the point of life.
“And now let us go forth into the world
with a daring and tender love.
The world is waiting.
Let us go in peace.
And in all that we do,
may we do it nourished by the power of love
that is deep within every one of us.
As we journey
may we see the face of Love in everyone we meet
and may everyone we meet see the face of Love in us.”
May this be so as we connect to our authentic power and awaken the gifts amongst us of creativity, resilience, wholeness and wisdom!
Page 421 The Mended Mirror by Karen Hilfman Millson
SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS
To add your thoughts to this conversation post them on the Course page under each session of Creating Space for Wholeness on www.AuthenticConnectionCulture.com or www.TheMendedMirror.com or on Facebook. Or simply be intentional about holding prayerful space knowing we connect heart to heart across the miles and time, and that together we are empowering and strengthening the things to which we give our attention.